Thursday, April 24, 2008

JE N'ADORE PAS!

We were having a really good day today until we went to the newsstand to pick up a couple of magazines which we needed for work.  It was at that point that we saw this magazine which has stolen our name, our identity, our reason for J'Adoring and ruthlessly raped us with a horrid cover featuring Charles Cosby! Who the FUCK is Charles Cosby and why should we J'Adore him? We're calling our lawyers faster than you can say J'Adore Laughing All The Way To The Bank!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

J'ADORE THE QUOTE OF THE DAY!

"I'm in total AWE of the reception of the Pope!  He's, like, bigger than Bono!!!" - Sarah Cristobal

J'ADORE CANDY CAST #7!

She's at it AGAIN!!!  Our most J'Adored fashion bitch, Candy Pratts Price, has surpassed herself yet again, but this time she's speaking of signals....murder, adultery, fidelity and pearl necklaces (not the ones we prefer, but chic nonetheless.)

As always, do yourself the favor and click here to watch the latest CandyCast!  J'Adore!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

J'ADORE BEING DEAD!


We're gonna leave you with this abridged version of an old story of a cop who confiscated some pot and made brownies with his wife.  They ate the brownies, and then he calls 911 and hilarity ensues!

J'ADORE AGUADILLA!

We're off to Puerto Rico tomorrow.  Our best friend from High School is getting married, and we guess we should go, no?  We are, and we're a bit excited.  We've never been.  Our main objective is to get tan.  We want to get so dark that when we come back you'll be calling us Kareem Abdul J'Adore!  

We'll be back early next week, but then we're off to Los Angeles again on a job shortly after that, but we promise to keep you in the loop!

J'adoringly....

Monday, April 14, 2008

J'ADORE ALCOHOL BY THE GALLON!

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles per year.  Another study found that American's drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.  That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.  

We think we can do better than that.  We're gonna keep drinking...

J'ADORE GIVEAWAYS!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

J'ADORE THE QUOTE OF THE DAY!


"The purpose of a fish trap is to catch fish, and when the fish are caught, the trap is forgotten.  The purpose of a rabbit snare is to catch rabbits.  When the rabbits are caught, the snare is forgotten.  The purpose of words is to convey ideas.  When the ideas are grasped, the words are forgotten.  Where can I find a man who has forgotten words?  He is the one I would like to talk to." - Chuang Tzu

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

J'ADORE CREAM NUT???

We were up in Dean & Deluca this afternoon, and as we were checking out, we see this disgusting candy.  It's not that the candy is gross.  It's just that the name is a little on the dirrrty side.  Or maybe it's our mind that's on the perverted side?  Either way.  We bet at least one of you wants a bit of our cream-nut!  EEEEEW!  J'ADORE!

Monday, April 07, 2008

J'ADORE STONEY END!

As you know, we were invited by our good friends, Michael Bailey and Peter Frank, upstate to their country home in the Catskills. The house dates back to 1888 and is aptly named Stoney End....which is NOT to be confused with THIS Stoney End and which is not in any way a reference to any illicit drug use which might take place in or around the property!

We caught Peter sneaking a Jalapeno chip before dinner. He makes the face of someone not caring, but you know he went to the bathroom and cried right after this photo.

Iron Chef Miki Baileymoto was reviewing his notes for what was Saturday night's Japanese inspired dinner consisting of eel over Japanese rice, sauteed kelp and mushrooms in homemade soy sauce and a pickled radish and carrot salad on the side. Arrigato, Baileymoto-san!

Michael sent us to the store to get some ginger for the eel, but when we got there, we only found this! (We totally bought it anyway!!!)

After dinner, we ran over to the living for some ROCK BAND action. When we tell you this is the greatest invention of all time, you better believe us. If you don't, then go out and buy it for yourselves. Peter turned out the drums like Sheila E. circa 1986!

Michael was on guitar, bien sur! But he refused to put on the Slash wig we brought with us for our jam session!


We turned out Vasoline by Stone Temple Pilots like no one has ever done before!!! Okay...we're a little off on the vocals and the video is a bit dark, but what do you want after 5 bottles of wine??? J'Adore! We're Rock Stars, and that's the way we do!

The next morning, we woke up bright and early to work in the yard. We had know idea what that meant because the only work in the yard we do is tanning ourselves. But apparently, we were to fill this branch covered hole in the ground with tree stumps via a method called "stump rolling." WTF?



It turns out that stump rolling is when one rolls a massive tree stump down a hill in an attempt to make it directly in the hole! Sort of like golf, but not like it at all. It's not as easy as it looks in this video, and those damn stumps are NOT LIGHT! Je N'adore Pas!

Before one can roll the stump, one has to pry it away from a MASSIVE pile of stumps that are frozen together with ice. When we were told this, we almost went inside only to be updated by Peter on the progress every 15 minutes when we would have asked him to come inside to refill our wine glass!

This was our finished product, which, by the way, is NOT what we had imagined when we were first told that we'd be filling a hole with wood!!! Je N'Adore Pas!

After we finished stump rolling, it was time to build a "decorative wood pile". We were afraid to ask what that was for fear of being Joey Rolled down the hill, so we just went with it. At least we look good in our Marc Jacobs galoshes and Costume Nationale T-Shirt. (We don't have "yard work" clothes, so we just wear designer wherever we go.)

This is our decorative pile of wood. Isn't it cute? We thought so too until Michael said J'Adoringly, "Good Job! In 5 years, this will still be here covered in beautiful ivy!" WHAT?!?! We piled this wood as a design element and not for actual wood burning purposes??? We were about to make a decorative pile of Michael Bailey chunks at that second, but we needed a ride home later that night and we didn't know where he had hid the keys! So we didn't.

We broke for lunch only to find that Peter had whipped up a gorgeous frittata and garlic bread! J'Adore! One cannot eat a frittata without a pair of clipping shears on the table to make it okay, if you know what we mean!

After lunch, there was just one last thing to do. We had to drag all the branches, twigs and tree fragments down the hill to a burn pile for incineration. This was our favorite part of the day because we're TOTAL pyromaniacs.

We grabbed a beer, sat back on the on the lawn and watched our hard work burn away! And yes, our glasses ARE Gucci. Thank you for noticing!

It was quite a day's work. We smelled like Tom Ford's crotch (which isn't always a bad thing.) Our hair fell flat. Our thighs were aching (and not in a good way). BUT we did get a little color on our cheeks, and according to Michael, we were supposed to feel good about being so productive! Oddly, we were. We had fun. We laughed. We drank. We worked hard. All in a day! J'Adore Michael, Peter and their stoney ends!

Saturday, April 05, 2008

J'ADORE THE CATSKILLS!

We're totally going to the Catskills tomorrow with one of our oldest J'Adorables in crime, Michael Bailey, and his most J'Adored bitch, Peter Frank, Editor-In-Chief of Concierge.com....the only place to go before you go.  Check it.  

We're gonna stump roll, we're gonna play Rock Band and we're gonna J'Adore the countryside in ways you've never seen.  One of our closest friends predicted that we'll end up in the back woods singing I'm Every Woman, but we doubt that will happen.  Okay. Maybe it will, but you'll never know about it.

J'ADORE GIVING US A FUCKING BREAK!


We love Oprah, and we love us some dogs, but give us a fucking break!  Breaking down in tears on national television over a cheesey video with a horrid song that your staff put together is not television in our books.  We're really sorry to all of you dog lovers, but deal!  You're gonna die.  You're dogs gonna die.  And we don't believe that it makes for good television.  Nuff said.