J'ADORE THE FAMILY COMING?

Oh, Bitches! What are we going to do? Our family is trekking east to come stay with us for the holidays! Yes. The ENTIRE holidays!!! That's ten days of pure unadulterated family time! We're excited, but we're stressed out! What are we going to do with them for that long? On the one hand, we've never hosted Xmas on the east coast before. We've always gone to Los Angeles. Needless to say, we're not going to be around much, but you never know. So keep checking in for updates on any serious injuries, murders or distress calls...

J'ADORE VALET PARKING!

If you'll remember not too long ago, we introduced you to David, the October Standard Hotel calendar boy with the forbidden follicles?  

Well, Bitches!  This month Santa has brought you an even better gift!  I'd like you to meet Mike from Wisconsin who works as a valet at The Standard Downtown LA.

Mikey knows how to rev your engine,  work your stick shift harder than anyone before and back it up right into the tightest of spots.  HOT!  Wait...we're stilling talking about parking cars, right?  

Yeah.  The black eye.  We know.  When we last pulled up to the Standard Downtown in our moss green Ford Pinto, the valet boys were ALL clamoring to "park our car", and Mike won the beat down.  He's our 200 horsepower V8 machine, if you know what we mean.

Drivers.  Start your engines!

J'ADORE MAKING YOU WATCH THIS!

This is The Story of Stuff.  We can't tell you how important it is that you watch this this 20 minute video.  We are destroying this planet, and it all begins with us.  America.  Consumers. Extraction.  Production.  Distribution.  Consumption.  Disposal. Please take 20 minutes to watch this video.  We need to make a change, and we needed to make it yesterday.  

What are YOU doing to bring about change?

J'ADORE CLARIFICATION!

Okay, Bitches!  We're sorry!  We didn't know it was going to cause so much drama!  Today we received countless emails asking what was going on with the technical glitch.  

"How could there be a technical glitch if you're posting?"  

"What are you talking about?"  

"We're so confused!"

We heard it all today!  The technical glitch was that we were drunk!  Okay?  Happy now?  We wanted to post, but we couldn't because we couldn't type correctly, so we posted an ode to our youth.......The Emergency Broadcast System.  We hated that as kids.  It made us cringe in pain hearing that damn sound coming out of our TV while our screen turned into funky stripes of color.  

So there you go!  Your questions are answered leaving you to J'Adore once again!

J'ADORE TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES!

This a test.  For the next sixty seconds, this station will conduct a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.  This is only a test.

J'ADORE FLYING DRUNK MAN!

J'ADORE STRAIGHT NO CHASER!

J'ADORE CHICKENS WITH HUMAN ARMS!

J'ADORE THE QUOTE OF THE DAY!

"What is your trouble?  Mistaken identity."

-From Ask The Awakened by Wei Wu Wei

JE N'ADORE PAS!

Page Six.com reported yesterday that David Beckham is SUCH the fashionista because his new trademark is the half-tuck.  We are so over it.  We've been doing the half-tuck since the late 90s when we used to shoot advertising for a certain luxury department store which we won't name right now.

We will send our congrats to Becks for finally figuring it out though.

J'ADORE RIVER CHIMPS!

J'ADORE THE HAIR OF THE DOG!

Bitches.....we are sooooo hungover.  Why do we drink the way we do?  We know.  Because no one can sing Smack My Bitch Up like we can after five vodka sodas!  J'Adore!  We're having a beer to rid us of our headache, and then we're taking a nap.  

J'ADORE DELILAH!

J'ADORE THE QUOTE OF THE DAY!

"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other." - Jack Handy

J'ADORE CANDY CANE JOE-JOEs!

A few weeks ago, we were lazily J'Adoring ourselves with our neighborhood friends, when one of them pulled out a box of the most delectable little morsels we ever did taste!  Candy Cane Joe-Joe's from Trader Joe's!!!

Bitches!  These little Oreo knock offs are BEYOND!  Smooth, creamy icing with small flecks of candy cane sandwiched in between two crunchy chocolatey cookies!  We literally fell off the couch and were transported to a land of gumdrop trees and peppermint rivers!

But you better go out and get yours QUICK because we've been reading on the internets that these tasty confections are out of stock all over the country!  You better get yours before we get ours!

J'ADORE BUTT PLUG SANTA!

Earlier this week, our most J'Adored friend Bianca Bianconi invited us to the chicest little dinner she was hosting in the basement wine cellar at Il Buco on Bond Street.  When we tell you it was unreal, we really mean it!  From the antipasti plates to the black kale salad to our gorgonzola risotto, everything was utterly J'Adorable.

Being the brilliant publicist that Bianca is, she sat us right next to Cynthia Rowley, one of the world's most talented designers, and directly across from Alan Cumming, the actor we all love to love.   Oh the things that were said at the table that night.  We only wish we could share them!

Anyway, Alan is the godfather to Cynthia's eldest daughter, and so, for Christmas, Cynthia brought Alan the most genius gift EVER!  A 12" chocolate Santa holding a Butt Plug!!!  J'Adore!

Artist Paul McCarthy has transformed the Maccarone Gallery into a chocolate factory and retail space named  Peter Paul Chocolates and his piece de resistance this holiday season is this chocolate santa selling for $100!

You know all you want one!  Do it!  Buy it!  Plug it!  Eat it!  J'Adore it!

J'ADORE THE QUOTE OF THE DAY!

"What happens when the future has come and gone?" 

- Robert Half

J'ADORE GUITAR HERO!

For the past four days, we've been more obsessed with a video game than when we first played super mario brothers back in the 4th grade!  This game is Guitar Hero III for Wii.  Armed with only a guitar, you are required to strum along to songs like Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar, Even Flow by Pearl Jam or Cult of Personality by Living Colour.

Our favorite song though is One by Metallica and just last night we scored 96% of the notes correct and 163 correct notes played in succession rendering us a score of 96, 682!!!  We are so rock stars right now!

If you haven't played this game, go out and find the nearest toy store and get it!  It's amazing!

J'ADORE HERPE HOLIDAYS!

We really don't like the holiday season.  Our friends like to call us Le Grinch.  We feel that all the love and familial solidarity is lost in the mad rush to stuff stockings and to load the Christmas tree with useless gifts that you spend weeks stressing over.  It's capitalism at its finest.

So what does one give that very special someone to let them know how much one cares?  How about a sore throat?  Or the flu?  Ebola is always a favorite amongst the kids!  But in all honesty, nothing REALLY says I Love You like Hepatitis!

We were so excited when we came across Giant Microbes.  They make stuffed animals inspired by various microbes, diseases and ailments that we know the whole family will love.  You can choose from Kissing Disease, Bad Breath, Athlete's Foot, Black Death and many more!

Each animal, which measures 5-7 inches tall, comes with a photo of the real microbe it represents as well as subsequent information.  Not only will these toys bring hours of fun to children and adults alike, but they are a great learning tool for all those little doctors in the making.

Now if only we could get ourselves a fun case of Syphilis!

J'ADORE BARRACUDA!

J'ADORE KILOS TO MOTIVATE!

J'ADORE JACKIE!

J'ADORE GIRLS THAT DANCE LIKE WE USED TO!

J'ADORE THE TREE!

J'ADORE T STYLE!

When we heard that our good friend Horacio Silva was taking over the helm of  T Magazine, we knew it would be good, but we didn't know it was gonna be THIS good!  

If you don't already know (in which case you really shouldn't deserve to know, but we digress...), T is the New York Times' style magazine, and they've been turning it out with fashion, design, travel and epicurean delights for a while now through periodic supplements to the Sunday paper.

This week, the magazine went live on the web, and it's the chicest thing we've seen in a very long time!  Its modern layout is easily navigated, and it's full of information that every style master needs to walk out the door in the morning.

But we're most impressed by the piece entitled The Connoisseur, which was written by our most J'Adored Indian brothel baby, Madhu Puri, and which outlines everything one needs to know to collect art in the contemporary market today!  

Coincidentally, we're off today to buy our very own Damien Hirst dead animal suspended in something or other.  Whatever.  We just listen to our art dealer and write checks on demand.  J'Adore!

J'ADORE SENSUAL SEDUCTION!

J'ADORE GLEMAUD!

If you want to talk J'Adorosity, then there is no one else in NYC to talk about than Victor Glemaud.  We've known this bitch for way too long, but we're not complaining.  

We first met him when he was working his fashion PR magic for Versace, then, he upped and moved to Paris only to come back as one of the hottest menswear designers on the scene.  WTF?  How did he do that?

His clothes are modern, luxurious, clean, linear and uber-masculine, but the pretty fabrics still allow you secretly to feel like Linda Evangelista on the inside.  Our favorite look EVER (pictured) is from Spring/Summer 2007...GASP!....yes, that's TWO seasons ago, but we still can't let it go.   Notice the silk shantung wide legged pants paired with the the two cardigans over the spread collar white button down.  Geniusly J'Adorable!

For more information on Victor and his collections, click here.

JE N'ADORE PAS!

Dede is a fisherman in Indonesia who, as a teenager, accidentally cut his knee and shortly thereafter began growing smalls warts on his body.  Since then, the warts have continued to grow exponentially covering his hands, feet, face and body in bizarre tree like formations!  WTF?

Subsequently, he lost his job, he lost his wife and he is now living in poverty with his two teenage daughters.  His case seems to be human pamplona, which in normal people, causes small treatable warts on the skin, but Dede is missing the gene that would normally control this condition leaving him to turn into a redwood.

American doctors are hoping to treat him with a synthetic version of Vitamin A which they are confident will reduce the growths giving him full control of his hands and feet again.  And we thought WE had problems!

Click here for full story and video.

J'ADORE REUNIONS!

When we first moved to NYC back in the late 1800s, we would go to this little place on Bedford and Downing called Bar D'O.  It was the chicest little place you ever did see.  All the most beautiful bitches hung out there leaving us to reflect upon our own extreme beauty, but we're getting ahead of ourselves.

Our favorite nights were when Joey Arias and Raven O would regale us with stories of days gone by and serenade us with all of our favorite chansons by Billie Holiday and Ella Fitzgerald.

We have good news for you.  Our most favorite place in the world, Indochine, is hosting Bar D'O reunions on December 9 and 16 featuring Joey Arias and Sherry Vine!  There is a $20 cover charge for the show and dinner reservations are required for a table.  See you there!

J'ADORE HOT THESPIAN ACTION!

Some of you may know one of my best friends as the guy who gave it to Hasselcrack, but to us, he's just little ol' Willona, or Mr. Will Wikle as his sex slaves like to call him.

Hailing from Tupelo, Mississippi, Will moved himself to NYC to work as a nurse to help all the little children in need. Then one day, the bitch got cast on Big Brother 5, then the bitch got his own radio show, then he was a coverboy for Instinct Magazine, and if that wasn't enough, he now also has his own travel show on the Logo Network!!!

But all the while, with his new found fame and fortune, he never forgot about the children, working late nights and early mornings in hospitals across the country to help those who can't help themselves. If we didn't love this bitch so much, we'd go to his house and cut him......BAD!

And today, we just received news that the cunt got cast as the villainous lead character in the sequel to the homo cult favorite, Another Gay Movie. WTF?! Although we're so excited for him, we really do have to question whether we love him enough not to cut him. We'll decide later. For the moment, there's a mirror in the hallway with our name on it! J'Adore!

J'ADORE MACBOOK HO!

We got a MacBook Pro, Bitches!!! We know! We can't believe it either! After 11 years of being on PC, we finally made the switch. It's pretty fucking cool......except, we don't really know how to use it, but we'll figure it out.

We're a little annoyed though because we think we got ours with OS X Tiger, and when we went onto the Apple site just now, it says the new books are shipping with Leopard! What to do? Do you think Apple would send us the new software? We probably wouldn't even know the difference, right?

Whatever. We're moving on...

J'ADORE BEING BACK!

We are sooooo back, Bitches! So happy to be home. Not that we don't love Los Angeles, but when we're gone for a little too long, we start to get anxiety. But now it's gone.

In regard to the photo above, we were just cruising around the internets this morning and came across it. Coincidentally, and we're not lying, last night when we landed at Newark airport, we were so excited to be home that we jumped up out of our seat and struck the EXACT SAME pose in the main aisle on the plane!!!

Unfortunately, we got yelled at by the flight attendant because the captain hadn't yet turned off the seatbelt sign, so we had to contain our excitement and sit our asses back down. Je N'Adore Pas!

So we're back to J'Adore you in every possible position we can. Grab the lube and a clean towel cuz we're cumming back at you.

J'ADORE LOS ANGELES!

We know you're totally giving us a big Je N'Adore Pas for not posting more regularly, and we feel horrible about it. We honestly do, but our lives have been a little bit chaotic as of late. We have a new project we're working on, we're trying to finalize another project for fashion week in February, our dishwasher broke, we went to the premiere of I'm Not There (SNOOZARAMA BTW).....

Anyway, we could go on, but you don't want to hear it.

We're off to Los Angeles today. Going home for the holidays. We know it's a bit early, but we miss our city of angels (and devils). We'll try to keep you up to date of our adventures, but as usual, we're not promising you anything! J'Adore!

J'ADORE FRANCE!

J'ADORE MOROCCO!

J'ADORE SHOWING US THAT SMILE AGAIN!

J'ADORE JULIO DOWN BY THE SCHOOLYARD!

You guys are soooo dirrrrty! Although we definitely DO have a story about us and Julio down by the schoolyard, we're not going to tell you about it. This is a family site.....we think. The Julio we're talking about is our latest obsession.....Simon & Garfunkel's early 80s hit. We're not too sure what it's about just yet, but we J'Adore singing and dancing along, but not like Garfunkel, as he can't dance for shit.

J'ADORE BEAUTY IN THE BREAKDOWN!

We're not posting this because it's funny or anything, but tonight, we were passing through the Port Authority LATE NIGHT....don't ask why....just keep reading, and we saw this photo opportunity. We took it because we thought it was strangley beautiful. The man sleeping on the floor. The accordian fence. The red subway sign. The fluorescent lighting.

But at the end of the day, this man has no home. Je n'adore pas. Let's J'Adore the things we have because there are many others out the who cannot.

J'ADORE 50 DOLLARS TO MAKE US HOLLER!

This past Sunday night we were celebrating a friend's birthday, and needless to say, it got WAY out of control. We started brunch at 1pm, and we didn't get home until 2:30am! UGH.

Anyway, on our way home, we swung by the pizza place on Christopher Street, and you know how all the trannies come out after 1am! J'Adore!

We were trying to hail a cab, and we felt a tap on our shoulder, and we turned around to see the above beauty! She gives new meaning to blue eyeshadow and Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.

It wasn't her extreme beauty that shocked us, but rather, she actually used the following line...

"Hey, Big Boy! Suckee Suckee 50 dollars! Me love you long time!"

We had no idea Asian whores actually used that line!!! We just thought it was a movie thing. Anyway, we politely declined....we think. Whatever. J'Adore!

J'ADORE WTF! WTF! WTF! WTF?!?!?!??!?!?

Okay, Bitches! We randomly just received this posting from a friend of ours, and it's truly beyond!!! It's definitely NSFW, and it's definitely NOT for the faint of heart. This shit is MESSED up. But we sort of secretly J'Adore it!

Click Here to see what we're talking about! OMG!

J'ADORE GERMAN STRIPPER LESSONS!

J'ADORE INTERPRETIVE DANCE!

Or is it interpretive exercise? We're not sure as of yet, but we DO love how these men have taken the jumping jack and made it their own. We're thinking that these men are NOT prisoners in the Philippines. Couldn't dance worth shit.

J'ADORE JET SETTING!

We got a call today from one of our best friends, Shirley Mallmann, asking us if we wanted to jump on a plane tomorrow and head down to Miami with her while she shoots some fabulous campaign. We thought about it for like 5 seconds and said...BIEN SUR!!!

We'll be back on Thursday night. We're not taking anything but our little TEENY WEENY black Moschino bathing suit, our blackberry and a bottle of Bain de Soleil, because what else could we possibly need?!?!

J'Adore you when we get back! J'Adore!!!

J'ADORE JAPANESE TETRIS!

You know you all love the Japanese for giving you sushi, edamame and shrimp tempura, but our hottie little sister, Joyce, sent us this hysterical video of our Asian friends playing Human Tetris!!! How come WE don't have shit like this up in our country. We'd totally rock this game!!! Come on, Merv Griffin, BRING IT ON!!! Oh, wait, Merv's dead...

J'ADORE LEGO HAWKING!

We just received this photo of Stephen Hawking, the master of all things universal, by Christopher Tennant over at Radar Magazine, and we just had to J'Adore it. Pretty genius!

J'ADORE BLACKBOOK MAGAZINE!

Let's talk about Steve Garbarino for a second. If you don't already know him, he's the J'Adorably HOT editor in chief who took over BlackBook Magazine last summer and who most recently got married to the deliciously J'Adorable Maddy Simpson out at the Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles.

Not since Lindsay Lohan left Promises have we seen a makeover go so well. The magazine is better than ever, and more importantly, the online edition which now boasts daily content, features, fashion, entertainment, nightlife, restaurants and bar listings is totally beyond J'Adorable!

Check it out by clicking the link above and check in daily!

J'ADORE CAKES FROM WALMART!

You should know that if you're ordering your cake from Walmart, you're probably not gonna get the best that money can buy. Case in point, the above cake which was ordered with the following direction. Please write "Best Wishes Suzanne" and underneath that (write) "We Will Miss You!" If they were going to fuck up the cake, they could have at least spelled underneath correctly. We're just glad we're not Suzanne.

J'ADORE SUPERMODEL FOR A DAY!

Okay, Bitches! Are you ready for the most random story EVER? Last week, we were sitting in some super fancy salon getting our hair did, and some guy carrying a laptop and doting a French accent stops behind our chair, looks at us in the mirror and says "I know yoooo!". And we were like, "Do you?". We had no idea who the guy was, but he clearly remembered meeting us at the Van Cleef & Arpel Party that kicked off NY Fashion Week Spring '08.

It turns out, he DID know us, and we DID meet him. He was none other than famed Belgian photographer, Michael Benisty, who we had met via Michael Klug, the editor in chief of Whitewall Magazine, the hottest little art mag to hit the stands in a very long time.

To make a long story short, we got home that evening to find an email from Monsieur Benisty asking if it would be possible to photograph us for a series of photos he's doing on New York socialites! Who knew we were a socialite? We of course said yes, because when was the last time someon other than us asked to take our photo!?

Today is the big day. We're heading down to his studio at 2pm. We've pulled all the hottest Fall Winter 2007 pieces from our closet....Valentino, Gucci, Buckler, Y-3, Varvatos, etc. You know how we do. We don't have to tell you.

Anyway, we're sure Anna Wintour is gonna come knocking any day now. Stay tuned...

JE N'ADORE PAS!

The one thing we never understood about living in NYC is that the weather changes literally OVERNIGHT! All of a sudden it is COLD, and we haven't even gotten around to doing our Spring cleaning yet!!! We know!!! We're over 6 months late!!! Anyway, we're not really loving it yet, but we will, and it will be okay. We just wanted to vent because we can't feel our feet right now.

Oh, and that's another thing. When you live in gorgeous pre-war buildings with 14 foot ceilings like we do, you don't have control of your own heat! You have to wait til the temperature drops below 48 degrees or something and some stupid sensor kicks in the hot water that's sent up to your radiator! What the hell is that about? Okay. We're done now.

J'ADORE THE QUOTE OF THE DAY!

Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

-Buddha

J'ADORE PAUL POTTS!

While completely hungover on Sunday and wishing death upon ourselves (if only to take the pain away), we cruised YouTube and watched funny videos while we patiently waited for our final moment of mortality to arrive. In the process, we found Paul Potts.

We're sure this guy is old news to most of you, but we here at the J'Adore Joey offices don't watch television, so it was quite an exciting moment for us when we found him.

Paul is a cell phone salesman in South Wales who sings opera. He went on Britain's Got Talent, and the bitch stole the show. At the end of the day, Paul is an inspiration. For us, he's an example of strength and confidence. A reminder that we should never be afraid to step up to the plate and show the world who we really are.

We are so gonna sing opera later today in Times Square. If you don't hear from us by tomorrow at 3pm, it's because some crackhead shot us because we can't really sing opera.

J'ADORE ORDER IN OUR UNIVERSE!

We woke up this morning to a Citibank Email Alert on little red blackberry! We got excited, but we were half asleep, so we didn't want to jump to any conclusions. But lo and behold, when we logged on to Citibank's website, we found that all of our missing moolah was there! They found the check! CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR FOR EVERYONE THIS MORNING! J'ADORE!

JE N'ADORE PAS!

We've been wanting to get back to J'Adoring you, but we just haven't been able to. We finished our time with The Supper Club, and we're happy to be looking forward to new horizons. Then we went to Alison Sarofim's Annual Halloween Party on Saturday, and we don't expect our hangover to end for another 2 days! Yes. It was THAT good of a party.

To make matters worse, we woke up this morning to find that the MASSIVE check we had deposited in our account on Friday has gone missing! HOW ARE WE GOING TO CONTINUE HAVING CAVIAR AND CHAMPAGNE FOR BREAKFAST IF OUR CHECK IS NOT FOUND?!?!?

All we know is that on Friday at 6pm, we deposited a check that could buy and sell most people in Manhattan only to find that Citibank LOST IT!!! We are not happy, and we're giving Citibank a big JE N'ADORE PAS right now! Yes, you heard us, ShittyBank!!! JE N'ADORE PAS!!!

So until we get our money back, you're not gonna be hearing from us....

J'Adore?

J'ADORE GETTING THERE IF WE CAN!

We're her desert crossing Arab man. Ain't no one gonna find a sled and slide into her arms like we are. We don't care how we get there. We're just gonna get there if we can. J'Adore the classics!

J'ADORE FINALLY!

UGH!!!! We feel like we haven't J'Adored you in AGES, and we are sooooo very sorry. Our lives have been quite chaotic over the past couple of weeks, but it's almost over. Tonight's the night we kick up our heels and celebrate the launch of The Supper Club New York!

This party is the reason we've been so distant! It's been so crazy. We're not going to even tell you the drama we had to go through because even WE can't be as mean as we'd like to be. Someone screwed us royally, and we had to go into major damage control mode, but it's all good.

Today, we got the cover story of the New York Post's Pulse Section, and we have to say, it's quite the J'Adorable piece! Read it and try to understand why we've been gone so long. It's not easy making J'Adorosity happen!!!

JE N'ADORE PAS!

We just wanted to drop a quick note to say that we haven't forgotten about you. It's just that we're dealing with a MAJOR crisis at work, and it doesn't seem like we can find a solution. We've been working on it all week long, and it's starting to piss us off BIG TIME! Anyway, once we've moved on, we'll be back to J'Adore you guys. In the meantime, hang in there for us.

J'ADORE CREEPY LITTLE GIRLS!

Michael Mouris has done it again with this film about Britney. Our favorite part is Dakota Fanning's cameo as the creepy little girl! Oh, and the bag of garbage came in a close second! J'Adore!

J'ADORE VICTORIA'S SECRET!

J'ADORE MARK ZEITOUNI!

You might remember our CRAZY time down in South Beach last winter for the Basel Miami Art Fair. It was out of control, but the one thing that kept us sane and going strong was the J'Adorable fare of Mark Zeitouni, the executive chef at The Standard Miami's Lido restaurant.

Everyday, he would send us Burrata Mozzarella served over crunchy haricot vert and cherry tomatoes drizzled with the finest olive oil and topped with the crunchiest grains of sea salt. We could have eaten that all day long!

This past week, The Miami Herald ran their review of Mark's menu, and he got THREE AND A HALF stars!!! It's really no surprise to us, but we can't tell you how proud we are of him!

If any of you are in the South Beach area anytime soon, you MUST make it a point to swing by The Lido to see what all the J'Adoration is about! Trust us. You will NOT be disappointed.

Also, ask to give your compliments to the chef directly! You'll be disappointed that HE'S not on the menu because he's the tastiest little morsel you'll ever did see!

J'ADORE IS YOU TWEAKIN'?!?!

R. Kelly is some crazy ass Gold Patron drinking, corn row braiding, stoagie smokin', real takin', mutha fuckin', bitch ass VIP pimpin' mutha fucka up in heyah! Just like him, we have no idea what we're talking about! Someone need to call the Popo on us and on HIM. What the hell is this video? Fuck us? No, Bitch, FUCK YOU! Watch this shit and don't call us no mo'....and don't be calling our mama's house either! Shit!

J'ADORE FORBIDDEN FOLLICLES!

Take a deep breath. Breathe. Feel your lungs fill to the brim with pure oxygen. Exhale. Relax. Let it all out. Okay. Let's talk hairy crotches.

We have been waiting TEN MONTHS for this day. You probably don't know....actually, we know you don't know...because only the select few own one, and yes, we're one of them. It's The Standard Hotel 2007 calendar. We're shaking with J'Adorosity just speaking the name.

Every year, Andre Balazs and his creative queen, Claire Darrow, commission a calendar embodying all that is The Standard.....(Hollywood, Downtown L.A. and Miami Beach all rolled into one but all very different....we'll discuss this later).

This year's calendar was shot by our most J'Adored Matthias Vriens, who, if we were not legally bound to secrecy, we'd tell you all about, but we can't, because the last time we hung out with him in Los Angeles, we almost got arrested....okay, not really, but close. It DID involve paparazzi and Tom Ford though. Email us, and maybe we'll tell you about it.

Portraying all the hottest staff from each of the three properties, the calendar has already given us over 270 days of sticky fingers! J'Adore!!!

This month's J'Adorable staff member is Damien who hails from Puerto Rico and who currently works at the Downtown L.A. property as a bar back. He can back our bar ANYTIME! Trust!

We love the way he's giving us buttons busted open, forbidden follicles falling forth and masculine moustachioed machismo.........(J'Adore alliteration. Can you tell?)

The best part of the October Man of the Month is not the way he's looking at us wanting to spew his J'Adoration all over our chest, but rather, the fact that there are only two more months until the new calendar reaches us select J'Adorables!

We are not allowed to tell you what the future holds in store, but we can assure you that it's going to be one hell of a 2008! Maybe you'll get yours in the mail, but somehow, we think not!

Don't hate us cuz we're above Standard...

J'ADORE THE APTHORP!

When we first moved to New York City some odd years ago, we had the incredible opportunity to live at The Apthorp for about two months. This week New York Magazine takes an in depth look at what it really means to live there, its new owners and its wavering future. There is just too much information on the building to give you now, and it makes us sad to think of the day when we took that final walk through those iron gates with our suitcases in tow, so we're not going to go on.

J'ADORE CARTOON CANDY EVEN MORE!

OMG, BITCHES!!! We already told you how much we loved the first CandyCast when it came out this summer, but now, the second one has come out, and it's BEYOND J'ADORABLE! This is exactly why we love Candy Pratts Price.....because she's just SOOOOO uber-fashion that you're like what the hell is this bitch talking about?!?! But it's amazing because, somehow, in all the confusion, it totally makes sense!!! Well, at least to us it does...

Some of our favorite quotes...

"So you're at lunch and you've got a gold bag and they go like UGH you've got a gold bag at lunch, BUT YOU HAVE A GOLD BAG!"

"YOHJI! YOHJI! YOHJI!"

"I love a clutch bag. I love a clutch bag because you can put that bag into another bag and that gives you more bags! Let's say you have a vintage Gucci alligator clutch and you all of a sudden slip it out of a Coach tote bag and it's like an AAAAH! moment"

"And now for the things I love.....FISH LEATHER! It's a unique alternative from the exotic leathers. Next time you eat that salmon, think of your handbag!"

J'ADORE THE SECOND QUOTE OF THE DAY!

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it’s best to make you into everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting....It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.” - E. E. Cummings

J'ADORE NOTE TO SELVES!

.......watch more football.

J'ADORE OLLIE BEHIND THE BAR!

We are so excited right now because we were just invited to R Bar in Williamsburg tonight where our good friend Oliver Kramer who you'll remember from our dinner at Indochine (he was wearing Alexander McQueen making us totally jealous) is going to be bartending for one night only in some kind of promotional effort to increase sales on a slow Monday night. If you're in the neighborhood, you have to stop by! Our only recommendation is that you order nothing more complicated than a beer. You don't want to confuse him...

J'ADORE THE QUOTE OF THE DAY!

"Society, my dear, is like salt water. It's good to swim in but hard to swallow." - Arthur Stringer

J'ADORE DURAN DURAN ON BROADWAY!

The New York Times is reporting today that Duran Duran is coming to Broadway next month for nine performances only to promote their new album, "Red Carpet Massacre". They will play the Ethyl Barrymore Theater from November 1 to November 12. Don't ask us how to get tickets because we're not telling. Imagine you get tickets and we don't? That would NOT be J'Adorable!

J'ADORE THE CRAZY KIDS AT RADAR!

Those ridiculously batty kids over at Radar Magazine have done it again. Last June, The New York Times published a piece about how acceptable the use of cocaine was in New York City again. Like ordering a glass of champagne at the bar.

Well, it only took them four months, but our gorgeous friends at Radar played this prank on our fair city. We think it's kind of genius, and we're glad our boy Neel Shah didn't get arrested. Or did he? Read to find out.

J'ADORE NAIA VERDEJO!

So we are soooooo in love with this new Spanish Verdejo we discovered on Friday! You know what alcoholics we are. We have our cereal in the morning with a nice cold glass of white! J'Adore! This verdejo made by Naia is EXCEPTIONAL!!!

Bright lemon color. Great nose of lanolin, vanilla biscuits, lemon curd and minerals. Chalky minerality frames a myriad of citrus flavors. Very minerally and deep.The grapes for this wine come from 98.8 acres of vineyards, of which 94 acres are 26 years old and 4.8 acres are ungrafted 90-year-old Verdejo vines. All the vineyards are located in the town of La Seca, which is considered by the locals to be the “grand cru” village of Rueda. Since the Middle Ages Verdejo has been the traditional varietal here on the left bank of the Duero River. This is the fourth release of this stainless-steel fermented wine.

J'ADORE TANDOORI DORITOS!

We're not sure we really want to say anything about this Bollywoodesque Doritos commercial. We'll just let you watch and J'Adore on your own if you want.

J'ADORE TEQUILA!

Okay, this is the last Pee Wee posting today. We promise. How much do we love this scene? Our favorite part is when he's laying on the table and Satan's Helpers are trying to figure out what to do with him, and Pee Wee says under his breath, "I say we let him go!" HAHHAHAHAHHA!

J'ADORE CIRQUE DE BEBE!

Last night, we ran into our J'Adorable friend Jason Pharr from The Cloud Room while he was walking Suki, our most J'Adored little pug ever! When we saw him, he greeted us with a "Bonjour, PeeWee!" and we totally J'Adored!!! You know how much we love PeeWee...especially when he's on crack as we can see here.

Anyways, we haven't been able to get PeeWee off the brain since, so we YouTubed some videos and the above popped up! J'ADORE CIRQUE DE BEBE!!! OMG! We were dying! The cannon? The soot stained baby? For reals???

J'ADORE CHRIS FARLEY REINCARNATED!