J'ADORE FORBIDDEN FOLLICLES!

Take a deep breath. Breathe. Feel your lungs fill to the brim with pure oxygen. Exhale. Relax. Let it all out. Okay. Let's talk hairy crotches.

We have been waiting TEN MONTHS for this day. You probably don't know....actually, we know you don't know...because only the select few own one, and yes, we're one of them. It's The Standard Hotel 2007 calendar. We're shaking with J'Adorosity just speaking the name.

Every year, Andre Balazs and his creative queen, Claire Darrow, commission a calendar embodying all that is The Standard.....(Hollywood, Downtown L.A. and Miami Beach all rolled into one but all very different....we'll discuss this later).

This year's calendar was shot by our most J'Adored Matthias Vriens, who, if we were not legally bound to secrecy, we'd tell you all about, but we can't, because the last time we hung out with him in Los Angeles, we almost got arrested....okay, not really, but close. It DID involve paparazzi and Tom Ford though. Email us, and maybe we'll tell you about it.

Portraying all the hottest staff from each of the three properties, the calendar has already given us over 270 days of sticky fingers! J'Adore!!!

This month's J'Adorable staff member is Damien who hails from Puerto Rico and who currently works at the Downtown L.A. property as a bar back. He can back our bar ANYTIME! Trust!

We love the way he's giving us buttons busted open, forbidden follicles falling forth and masculine moustachioed machismo.........(J'Adore alliteration. Can you tell?)

The best part of the October Man of the Month is not the way he's looking at us wanting to spew his J'Adoration all over our chest, but rather, the fact that there are only two more months until the new calendar reaches us select J'Adorables!

We are not allowed to tell you what the future holds in store, but we can assure you that it's going to be one hell of a 2008! Maybe you'll get yours in the mail, but somehow, we think not!

Don't hate us cuz we're above Standard...