J'ADORE TURKS AND CHAOS!

We just flew in from Istanbul, Turkey, and BOY ARE OUR ARMS TIRED! (Sorry...It just came out!)

But we did just get back from a whirlwind weekend in Istanbul where we celebrated the new Zac Posen collection at Vakko, Turkey's largest retailer of luxury goods. It was chicness like chicness has never known itself to be! The Grand Bazaar, The Blue Mosque, champagne filled nights, champagne filled days, brunch cruises on the Bosphorous and wild parties until dawn....all in honor of our favorite fashion darling, Zac Posen, and all in a matter of three days!

It started off with a wild party on a non-stop Delta flight direct to Istanbul from JFK. We were accompanied by Zac Posen, his parents, Paz de la Huerta, Padma Lakshmi, our most J'Adored photographer, Douglas Friedman, the most J'Adorable David Gruning and a host of others.

Douglas Friedman plays stewardess. Sun Chips, Peanut Butter Crackers or ME!?!?

David Gruning checks out Doug's offerings. We have a feeling this isn't the first time he's done so!

Supermodel Michele Hicks smiles politely as she plots our ass kicking in her head cuz we're blocking the door to the bathroom!

As the two ambien we've taken slowly start to mix with the fifth vodka rocks we've imbibed, we ponder stepping outside the plane for a quick cigarette.

Zac Posen leans over Paz de la Huerta to whisper sweet nothings into Nemo Labrizzi's ear.

After 10 hours on that damn flight, the sight of the pez colored buildings of Istanbul are a Godsend!

In the middle of the bus ride from the airport to our hotel in Bebek, Mickey Boardman of Paper Magazine pulled a Rosa Parks demanding that he no longer sit in the back of the bus! Billy Farrell just lauged and took pictures of the embarassing episode.

The entrance to the Dolmabaci Palace. The only one allowed through the front gate was the king! I guess they never have had a QUEEN visit before!

The view of the Bosphorous and the continent of Asia from our balcony. Whatever.

With over 5000 shops in The Grand Bazaar, we were done with our shopping in just under an hour!

Sex pot, Kate Schelter, and Trovata's, John Whitledge, both go into shock at Friday night's party, after seeing our MONSTER...camera. (What did you think they saw???)

Valentino's Carlos Souza weeps with joy as Doug tickles his left scrotal sack.

Rufus, Earl of Albemarle, is seduced by the hysterical glamour that is Dita von Teese!

DJ Eve Salvail (aka the bald supermodel with the tattoo on her head) turns it out in the dark. And, yes, she wears her sunglasses at night.

Although we were stuck in our room seating 400 guests for Saturday night's black tie dinner, we at least had a GORGEOUS view of the historic Ciragan Palace.

To add insult to injury, while we were holed up in our room, we had to watch all of our guests get shuttled out to the Savarona, the world's fourth largest private yacht, for an ultra-glam brunch and cruise up the Bosphorous!

David Kuhn was totally mesmerized by our hotness while Antony Todd bored, we mean, welcomed our 400 guests to dinner!

Nothing says black tie like diamond encrusted black onyx nestled in the cleavage of London party goddess, Rena Sini!

The cleavage is hot, but Rena's eyes makes us J'ADORE all over ourselves!!

Luca del Bono makes us think dirty thoughts...

Did we mention that Dita von Teese had the NERVE to bathe herself in a champagne glass right in the middle of dinner?!?!

David Kuhn loves him some J'adorable action. I'm sure he found it somewhere in Istanbul. Hammam anyone?

Nina Clemente works her vintage Gianfranco Ferre with a Turkish horsetail thingamajig.

We thought David Gruning was cute and all, but we can't imagine what the hell he said to Rohit Pursram to make him laugh so hard. Maybe it was the fact that David used to be a woman?

Our favorite duo, Daniel Benedict and Andrew Saffir, were about to call it quits for the evening here. We heard Andrew started showing people his pink lace thong late night.

It was 5am and time to head over to Crystal, Istanbul's HOTTEST club, but before we left, we had to say goodbye to the velvet mafia..JackPierson, Fernando Santangelo, Donald Baecheler, Mickey Boardman and David Kuhn.

Was it any surprise to anyone that Crystal would take full advantage of all the neon lights available in Turkey?!

The guilt we felt for coming home at 7:30am quickly disappeared the moment we saw the sun rise over Asia and reflect off the Bosphorous and straight into our bloodshot eyes.

Still WASTED from the night before, Kate Schelter quickly realizes that the skinny plant in Ataturk Airport which she was kissing goodbye was not Bridget Hall as she had orginally thought.

When we asked the pilot to "Fly Us Over Greenland", we didn't think he would misunderstand our request for some "herbal refreshment"!

Nothing says Welcome Home like the New York City skyline......FUGEDABOUDDIT!