J'ADORE NIVEA CREME!

If you don't Nivea yet, you have to. Available at Duane Reade for just 99 cents, it's the perfect moisturizer for hand and body! And it fits so snug in your pocket! J'Adore!

We love the Arabic too. C'est completement chic, non? Moi, je crois oui!

J'ADORE COURAGEOUS FASHION EFFORTS!

We just had a blogger wet dream come true! The New York Times Style Magazine has just paid the J'Adore Joey offices a visit. Although I can't reveal their identities, only the Times Style people can pull off spring fashion as it is depicted above.

Notice the rays of light emanating from their fabulosity!

J'ADORE J'ADORING OURSELVES!

It's no mystery to the friends of J'Adore Joey that we are OBSESSED with ourselves! It's not really our fault. We were born Leos. We were born cute. We were born funny. What do you expect? That we should turn our attention outwards? Hardly.

So it's that time of the day where we salute our most favorite mythological figure, Narcissus, depicted above, circa 1597, by one of our most favorite Italian Masters, Caravaggio.

We all know Narcissus as the one who was so devastatingly beautiful and who was unable to love anyone who loved him. Then, one day, he saw his reflection in the pond and immediately fell in love with himself. It was also that pond that eclipsed his life the day he fell in, while adoringly loving himself.

On a side note, we want to send out a very special shout out to our NUMBER ONE FAN, Ariane, who wrote in to tell us how much she loves J'Adore Joey, only reminding us just how much we J'adore ourselves too!

JE N'ADORE PAS!

JOEY: "Hello. I'm gonna have a glass of the Orvieto while I look over the menu, please."

WAITER: "Excellent Choice. Would you like to hear our specials tonight?"

JOEY: "That would be lovely. Yes, please."

WAITER: "Our fish special tonight is a pan seared Turbot with a gorgeous mucous glaze. The throat is slit open so the meat real soaks up the flegmmy flavors. It comes served with the Turbot's testicles, pan fried and stuffed with a slightly fermented vaginal cheese."

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING? AND WHO THE HELL WOULD ORDER SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE THAT!?!?

J'ADORE SUPERJUSTICE!

Ding dong the witch is dead! The fucking bitch got arrested! (Sung a la Wizard of Oz)

So it turns out that Naomi was arrested this morning in NYC for assaulting yet ANOTHER one of her assistants. Naomi, aka La Diabla Negra, allegedly threw an object (probably her stretched out, used up flabby vagina) at her poor 41 year old assistant who is currently at Lenox Hill Hospital getting stitches.

This is the type of story that makes us never take for granted our designer clothes and the price for which we must pay.

J'ADORE HURRICANE SEASON!

I just saw on The Weather Channel that New York City is about to get hit with a Category 5 hurricane, and they're calling it KIMRY!

She's heading up the Eastern Seaboard, gaining pressure and momentum in the Raleigh, North Carolina area, and she's expected to hit the Isle of Manhattan on the 28th of April.

WARNING to all NYC residents!!! Board up your windows! Keep your sons and husbands locked away! Put bottles of Vodka on your stoops to prevent her from breaking in!

This one is going to be a whopper of a weekend storm!!!

J'ADORE HIDING THE SALAMI!

Do you totally remember doing this when you were a kid?

I'd stand in front of the mirror for HOURS trying to hide my apperatus. I say HOURS cuz it was virtually impossible for me to make it happen. It would always show from one angle or another, but I digress...

Anyway, this is an ad for Antonia, some Italian "women's only" store or spa or lesbo bar. Who knows.

Thanks to my bitches at DListed! for sharing...

J'ADORE BONNIE TYLER!

Turn around. Every now and then I get a little bit tired listening to the sound of my tears... Total Eclipse of the Heart!

What? It's not my heart that is eclipsing this time around? It's the sun? What else are you saying? I'm not gonna get to see it up here in NYC? Only bitches in Ghana and Turkey?

What the hell am I talking about this for? Guess I'll have to wait until 2008 for the next one.

TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE SUN!

J'ADORE MONKEY MAIL!

If you haven't yet sent a friend of yours a Monkey Mail, you're missing out...BIG TIME. I hate to fall prey to these mass marketing campaigns, but this one is just too much fucking fun.

It's hosted by Career Builders (you know the commercials with the guy trying to work with a bunch of monkeys), and it lets you choose a monkey, dress it up, place it in some freaky setting and make it say whatever you want.

I've been sending it out to everyone, and I fall out of my chair laughing everytime.

To send your own Monkey Mail, click the link below.

MONKEY MAIL!

J'ADORE THE CLAW!

I love this story because it happens ALL THE TIME! Who are these stupid ass rubber kids that can fit through a hole that didn't even fit my arm when I was their size. And look at the dumbass, sitting in there like all those toys are his, like he just won the claw game!

No one fuckin' wins the claw game! He's gonna cry like a bitch when they pull him out of that damn thing.

J'ADORE PARADISE!

This weekend I was able to watch Paradise Now, the Oscar nominee for best foreign language film. The movie follows two childhood friends who grow up under the oppression of the Israeli regime and who are chosen to become martyrs for the cause through a suicide bombing mission on Tel Aviv.

Profoundly poignant in that it portrays an objective view of the struggle of the Palestinian in a world where choices are rare and liberation is intangible.

J'ADORE BEING ONE!

There are times when you find something for which you were never looking, and you are reminded that we are all connected in some way....not just to each other but to everything around us.

We are all made up of the same life, the same emotion, the same energy. You see it in the tree above. A portrait created by nature. An undeniable account that a soul will forever live through the roots of this tree. Below you'll find more evidence of this universal life blood that flows through us all.

J'ADORE LE SINGE!

I love the monkey in this photo. The Ann Slater glasses, the Vivienne Westwood knitcap, the way he's crossed his legs...

Reminds me of my cousin.

(Are those his balls down there??? I'm confused.)

J'ADORE FRO!

What the hell was Phil Spector thinking when he went into court that fine day with his damn hair looking like that??? I know this pic is old, but I can't seem to get over it!

I bet you anything it was a subliminal attempt to persuade the jury in believing his insanity plea.
Take me to your leader!

JE N'ADORE PAS!

I am very saddened by this late breaking news. Je N'Adore Pas this in a BIG way. In an issue of the Science Journal focusing on global warming, it was reported that if global trends continue as they are, we could see sea levels 20 feet higher than they are now.

This means saying goodbye to Miami. Say goodbye to the Maldives. One day, we'll wonder if the Caribbean Islands ever even existed!!

By the end of this century, the earth will be 4 degrees warmer than it is today...that's about as hot as it was 130,000 years ago.

As much as I love 60 degree weather in New York City in January, global warming MUST be stopped.

What are YOU going to do to J'Adore your planet?

J'ADORE TORNADOS!

I know this is not a laughing matter, but we are DYING over here!

It seems that a tornado sucked some poor 19 year old in Missouri out his trailer in nothing but his boxer shorts and dropped him off in a pasture a quarter mile down the road!

Little Matt Suter was okay after the ordeal, and so was his family, but you have to read this shit and let me know if you laughed as hard I did...

Talk about a fuckin' blow job!

TORNADO TOUR!

J'ADORE LA BERACASA!

CAN WE JUST ALL J'ADORE FABIOLA BERACASA TOGETHER NOW...

J'ADORE!

Isn't Fabiola just the most J'Adorable thing you've ever seen?! We at J'Adore Joey were graced with Fab's presence today at the office. She was wearing the hottest little CHANEL number...EVER! We were just gonna rip it off her trim little body, leaving her to hail a cab in nothing but her Agent Provocateur undies! Above you see her with one of our oldest friends in the world from college, Lauren Davis, who we J'Adore just as much.

Below you see her with our sister in criminal decoration, Carlos Mota (Carlito, as we like to call him on the weekends)...

Can't you just image all the trouble our little Fab gets into? Email me, and I'll tell you about it...

J'ADORE IMOGEN HEAP!

Born and bred in Romford, Essex, 28 year old Imogen Heap, ROCKS IT OUT!!! You guys might know her from Frou Frou whose Garden State soundtrack breakout hit single shot her to the top of the charts!

Her latest, album, Speak For Yourself, is even better than the last. If you haven't yet bought the album, you have to do so, like YESTERDAY!!

Click Link for More

IMOGEN HEAP!

JE N'ADORE PAS!

All you bitches with your Escalades and your Beamers and your Mercedes Benz are getting all up in my balls and killin' my boys!

The meds up at USC (GO TROJANS!!!) have determined today that ozone formed in smoggy air was indirectly responsible for decreased sperm production by causing inflammation in the testes and by producing toxic substances in the blood that damage sperm.

So you all best park your cars and just get to steppin' cuz even though I don't currently need my boys, I don't necessarily want you killin' 'em off either!!

Word...

J'ADORE THE (NUDE) CONSTANT GARDENER!

Tonight's final posting comes at you twofold.

First off, have we heard of this weird fascination with nude gardening? Apparently there's an entire following to this "sport" of sorts. Clubs, newsgroups, gatherings, etc. all taking place nationwide. I don't know. Although I can afford to accidentally snip a foot or two off the "apparatus" I don't think it would be fun to do so...

Secondly, I finally saw The Constant Gardener last night. An amazing film reminding us of the horrors of corporate drug companies and the plight of the African man in a world where there just seems to be no choices.