JE N'ADORE PAS....BUT J'ADORE!

WE KNOW! WE KNOW! How could we have left you for so long without anything to J'Adore, but believe you us, it hurt us way more than it hurt you! We are so very sorry for leaving you in the dark, but with a professional schedule like ours, it just happens.

We've been so unbelievably busy at our real jobs trying to produce a very extravagant party across the country in Los Angeles for a very high profile Italian fashion house which shall remain nameless (PRADA)....that we just haven't had the time...

Couple that with preparations for our summer vacation next week in a small town in the South of France just outside of Nice with one of our most J'Adored inspirations in life, Zoe Turnbull, we just haven't been able to pull it together!

Being popular is both HARD and EXPENSIVE!

In any case, we are here to tell you that we are taking a very small hiatus and will be back with you around the 14th of July replete with stories of wine, food, travel, history, architecture and debauchery that you can only wish one day you'll be able to J'Adore!

If any of you can tell us how the above photograph pertains to this particular posting, you will win your very own J'Adorable gift from the South of France.....one that is TBD as we haven't been there yet, and we don't really know what it is.

Email us your guesses at Joey@JadoreJoey.com.

Until we J'Adore again....

xoxoxoxo

JE N'ADORE PAS!!!

OKAY, BITCHES! GROOVE JUST TOTALLY LEFT MY HEART!!!

What the hell happened to Lady Miss Kier?!?! She looks like Mariah Carey's fat ass ugly Asian cousin who's into dominating raver bitches while wearing latex knock-off couture.

Please let's go back together and remember the time when we J'Adored an icon of the day...the woman who once danced with me at a rave in Downtown LA circa 1994 and WORKED IT OUT in her blue Adidas platform shoes and mini-skirt!

Ladies and J'Adorables, I present to you the REAL Lady Miss Kier....

J'ADORE CRACK GAMES!

OH. MY. J'ADORABLE GOD.

We just came up with the FUNNEST game EVER over here at the J'Adore Joey offices. We were lazily listening to the first CD of Whitney Houston's Greatest Hits Box Set, and we don't really know what happened, but all of a sudden we started replacing words in her songs with the word CRACK....and hilarity ensued!

Below are some of the titles to the songs we came up with. You can totally try this at home with the kids! It's a game the WHOLE family can play.

THE GREATEST CRACK OF ALL

SAVING ALL MY CRACK FOR YOU

WHERE DO BROKEN CRACKHEADS GO

MY CRACK IS YOUR CRACK

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE CRACK

RUN TO CRACK

ALL THE CRACK THAT I NEED

and our personal favorite duet with Enrique Iglesias.....

COULD I HAVE THIS CRACK FOREVER

J'ADORE RUFUS GARLAND!

We know this is old news as it happened last week and all, but it's slow over here at the J'Adore offices and we're tired and we've got a headache and we're annoyed today, but since we were able to be a part of this rare moment in musical history, we're gonna write about it.

Rufus Wainwright recreated Judy Garland's historic 1961 Carnegie Hall concert last week, and it was amazing.

Nuff said...

JE N'ADORE PAS!

If there is one thing you should not being doing while you're on the toilet is rocking out to Madonna and Xtina Aguilera! The risk of spillage (see below posting) is tripled to say the least.

So, we don't really understand the need for an iPod toilet paper dispenser when what you really need is a wall mounted computer terminal with high speed internet in order to J'Adore Joey your way to clean intestines every morning! Nuff said...

J'ADORE PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE!

In Amsterdam, the tiles in the bathrooms at Schipol Airport would pass inspection in an operating room. But nobody notices how immaculate they are because all they can concentrate on is the fly sitting in the urinal!

But when you look a little closer, you'll see that the fly is actually a black etching in the porcelain. Studies show that this fly improves aim and reduces spillage by 80%!

Does anyone else see the J'Adorable genius in this?!

J'ADORE THE BLUE CANARY IN THE OUTLET BY THE LIGHT SWITCH......WHO WATCHES OVER YOU!

As you know, we don't normally get to spend the secondary holidays with the immediate family. So we were totally beside ourselves tonight when our most J'Adored downstairs neighbors invited us over for a post dinner zucchini tart with the parental units.

Needless to say, one glass of wine turned into four (as is usually the case), and we ended up singing a bit of the They Might Be Giants (whom we've personally worked with in the past and whom we've forgotten we loved!)

So if you don't mind, let's all build a little birdhouse in our souls because that's the only way to J'Adore each other in the way we all need to be J'Adored!

J'ADORE THE GREATEST VIDEO OF ALL TIME!

When George Michael gave us Freedom 90, he gave us an anthem for our lives. He liberated himself from the confines of his late 80s pop stardom, and he showed us what it really means to "Make It Big!" (A nod to his WHAM! days, obviously.)

Linda, Christy, Naomi and Cindy are MAJOR!

J'ADORE THE WORD OF THE DAY!

We all know how much we love getting our salad tossed, but when we got our word of the day in our inbox yesterday, we J'Adored it even more!

Salad Days \salad days\, noun: A time of youthful inexperience, innocence, or indiscretion.

The term was coined by Shakespeare in Anthony and Cleopatra. It was written "My salad days, When I was green in judgment and cold in blood."

J'ADORE MATRINXA!

We don't usually watch fishing videos, especially ones where men are NOT manhandling their big ol' rods, but this one is quite the exception!

Filmed in the Guapore region of Brazil on a section of the Mequens River, these men are catching a fresh water fish called Matrinxa (Brycon Cephalus).

Makes me want to go to Red Lobster!

J'ADORE NUCLEAR WINTOUR!

We were referred to this video last night by one of our most J'Adored little closet cases, Christopher Tennant of Radar Magazine. Personally, we think it's fun, but the editing leaves wanting more.

Does anyone else think that this video was an inside job by some bored intern at Getty Images? Note the stamp on all the photos.

In turn, we want you all to send us stories of your personal run ins with the Queen of Mean to Joey@JadoreJoey.com. We'll publish the most J'Adorable story by week's end.

J'ADORE CATFIGHT COMPILATIONS!

We don't even have to ask if you remember this shit from Dynasty. So, just sit back and J'Adore!

J'ADORE CHUMLEY'S!

At 86 Bedford Street between Grove and Barrow streets in Manhattan is found the most remarkable little place called Chumley's. Hidden behind an unmarked door that one would most likely miss if not forewarned, Chumley's is a restaurant, bar and former speakeasy which has been frequented by more prolific writers than probably anywhere else in New York City.

With two entrances, the other being through a non-descript archway at 58 Barrow Street, the speakeasy played host to Cummings, Kerouac, de Beauvoir, Faulkner, Fitzgerald, Salinger and Steinbeck amongst countless other literary greats of the 2oth century.

Chumley's became the only place during prohibition for these authors to write, to discuss current events and to meet with their peers (all while imbibing in the forbidden spirits of the day).

As with many other speakeasies, the cops raided the joint quite frequently, but knowing quite well the clientele to whom Chumley's played host, the authorities would call Mr. Leland Stanford Chumley ahead of time in order to evacuate his guests through the 86 Bedford door as they raided through the 58 Barrow entrance.

Before the arrival of the police, Mr. Chumley would tell his select group of VIP guests to "86 it" while the rest of the establishment were arrested and taken away.

Needless to say (and I'm sure you all saw this coming), this tiny speakeasy is where we get the term "86" today. So, when you no longer want your appetizer, and you tell your waiter to "86 the salad", take a moment to remember all those poor drunk souls that spent many a night locked up in a downtown jailcell.

If you're ever in Manhattan, make it a point to stop by Chumley's for one of the best hamburgers in the city!

J'ADORE DIFFA!

One of our most favorite things to do every year is MAC's Viva Glam Casino which benefits DIFFA, the Design Industries Foundation Fighting AIDS.

As is every year, tonight's event is hosted by supermodel Maggie Rizer, who lost her biological father to AIDS, and is inspired by the late Tina Chow's infamous Shanghai themed parties at Studio 54.

For more information on tonight's event and to make a donation to this very influential organization, please visit DIFFA!

J'ADORE HALONG BAY!

One of the things we J'Adore most about the very short 30 years we've spent on this earth is the very special circle of friends that have come into our lives. From journalists and CEOs to artists and lawyers, we are J'Adored by a group of amazing people.

One of these people is Douglas Friedman, the famed photographer who has captured some of the world's most breathtaking natural landscapes and architectural marvels. Douglas sent us the above nighttime photo of Vietnam's Halong Bay just last night, and we J'Adore it in a major way!

What we want to know is why Douglas was cruisin' the bay alone after sunset?

J'ADORE LE LAIT DE MAMAN!

Here's just a little something we thought you'd like to think about the next time you're toasting a newlywed couple or at the next stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve...

The shallow champagne glass originated with Marie Antoinette...
From wax molds made of her bare breasts!

CHEERS!!!

J'ADORE PHILATELIC FUCK UPS!

This is the kind of stuff that we live for over here at J'Adore Joey! It seems the Caribbean Islands of St. Kitts and Nevis once issued a two cent stamp commemorating the time when Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue and arrived in the Caribbean (or the New World as he had thought).

The stamp depicted a galant Columbus peering through a telescope presumably aboard the Nina, the Pinta or the Santa Maria.

Okay, here's where it gets good. Can anyone tell us what's wrong with this picture?

Give up?

Columbus sailed to the New World in 1492, but it wasn't until 1608 that the telescope was invented!!!

Please send us your favorite fuck ups to Joey@JadoreJoey.com.

J'ADORE CALIGULA!

Last night, we finally got to see Gore Vidal's Caligula! Can we talk about how hot it is! I haven't seen that much dick and pussy in a movie since The Da Vinci Load!

Anyway, if you haven't seen this 1979 epic movie produced by Bob Guccionie and directed by Tinto Brass, you're missing out.

J'ADORE WEEHAWKEN!

One of our most favorite views of New York City is from a quaint little town in New Jersey called Weehawken. We had the opportunity to visit Weehawken recently, and we took the above photo just before a severe storm blanketed the region. Notice the clouds creeping up over the skyline.

J'ADORE CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTIONS!

We love when celebrities use their fame and fortune for good. It seems a shame not to when you've been so blessed. This is why we were so excited when we heard that Christina Aguilera has found an organization to which she likes to contribute. Below, a quote from Xtina, about her charitable contributions.

"I give money to a company who makes hearing aids. More people should hear me sing."

And the world collectively J'Adores in gratitude!

J'ADORE BIG HAMBURGERS!

We don't know what came over us at today at the J'Adore Joey offices, but somehow we J'Adored ourselves all the way back to our childhood days when we would just sit in front of the TV sippin' on a cold one while suckin' on a warm one.

In turn, we remembered Grover as The Waiter. Please take this moment in time to relive the moment you wished you had a hamburger this size!

J'ADORE FLAMING RAINBOWS!

You all know how we at J'Adore Joey love our natural phenomenons, but even WE didn't know this shit happened somewhere in the world!

Ladies and J'adorables....let me introduce to you The Circumhorizon Arc, a.k.a. The Rainbow of Fire!

One of the rarest occurences in nature, the Rainbow of Fire appears when sunlight passes throug ice crystals in cirrus clouds that are at least 20,000 feet high. Not only do you need the light to pass through the crystals, but the crystals within the clouds must be aligned horizontally, instead of their usual vertical position. Not only that, but the sun needs to be at least 58 degrees above the horizon.

By sheer coincidence, those are also the qualifications needed for me to do my hair in the morning. How else do you think I get my gorgeous mane to the state its in??? Without the proper light shining down on me from 58 degrees above, I would look like Roseanne Barr!

J'ADORE WHAM! PART DEUX!

Okay, Bitches! We're about to take you to a place you probably haven't been to in a while....the East End of London circa 1988.

George Michael and Andrew Ridgely are furiously trying to sell the last two tickets to their show at Marquee (not the one in NYC obviously).

After countless attempts to unload the tickets, George runs into the club to call his tour manager to complain about the crap venue in which they've been booked.

Knowing that the show must go on, George and Andrew take to the stage and deliver a tour de force performance of I'm Your Man!

Please pay special attention to the skillfull use of the tambourine, to the hot little black leather gloves and to the subliminal sexual references towards the end.

Ladies and J'Adorables, we present to you.......WHAM!!!

J'ADORE BEING DEAD WRONG!

J'ADORE ROSES!

The rose is the oldest domesticated flower known to man. Fossil remains indicate that it existed 35 million years ago. After the fall of the Roman Empire, rose cultivation was continued by Benedictine monks and, as the excesses of the Romas were forgotten, the flower became the emblem of Christianity.

J'adore THAT everytime you stop and smell the roses...