J'ADORE THE FAMILY COMING?

Oh, Bitches! What are we going to do? Our family is trekking east to come stay with us for the holidays! Yes. The ENTIRE holidays!!! That's ten days of pure unadulterated family time! We're excited, but we're stressed out! What are we going to do with them for that long? On the one hand, we've never hosted Xmas on the east coast before. We've always gone to Los Angeles. Needless to say, we're not going to be around much, but you never know. So keep checking in for updates on any serious injuries, murders or distress calls...

J'ADORE VALET PARKING!

If you'll remember not too long ago, we introduced you to David, the October Standard Hotel calendar boy with the forbidden follicles?  

Well, Bitches!  This month Santa has brought you an even better gift!  I'd like you to meet Mike from Wisconsin who works as a valet at The Standard Downtown LA.

Mikey knows how to rev your engine,  work your stick shift harder than anyone before and back it up right into the tightest of spots.  HOT!  Wait...we're stilling talking about parking cars, right?  

Yeah.  The black eye.  We know.  When we last pulled up to the Standard Downtown in our moss green Ford Pinto, the valet boys were ALL clamoring to "park our car", and Mike won the beat down.  He's our 200 horsepower V8 machine, if you know what we mean.

Drivers.  Start your engines!

J'ADORE MAKING YOU WATCH THIS!

This is The Story of Stuff.  We can't tell you how important it is that you watch this this 20 minute video.  We are destroying this planet, and it all begins with us.  America.  Consumers. Extraction.  Production.  Distribution.  Consumption.  Disposal. Please take 20 minutes to watch this video.  We need to make a change, and we needed to make it yesterday.  

What are YOU doing to bring about change?

J'ADORE CLARIFICATION!

Okay, Bitches!  We're sorry!  We didn't know it was going to cause so much drama!  Today we received countless emails asking what was going on with the technical glitch.  

"How could there be a technical glitch if you're posting?"  

"What are you talking about?"  

"We're so confused!"

We heard it all today!  The technical glitch was that we were drunk!  Okay?  Happy now?  We wanted to post, but we couldn't because we couldn't type correctly, so we posted an ode to our youth.......The Emergency Broadcast System.  We hated that as kids.  It made us cringe in pain hearing that damn sound coming out of our TV while our screen turned into funky stripes of color.  

So there you go!  Your questions are answered leaving you to J'Adore once again!

J'ADORE TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES!

This a test.  For the next sixty seconds, this station will conduct a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.  This is only a test.

J'ADORE FLYING DRUNK MAN!

J'ADORE STRAIGHT NO CHASER!

J'ADORE CHICKENS WITH HUMAN ARMS!

J'ADORE THE QUOTE OF THE DAY!

"What is your trouble?  Mistaken identity."

-From Ask The Awakened by Wei Wu Wei

JE N'ADORE PAS!

Page Six.com reported yesterday that David Beckham is SUCH the fashionista because his new trademark is the half-tuck.  We are so over it.  We've been doing the half-tuck since the late 90s when we used to shoot advertising for a certain luxury department store which we won't name right now.

We will send our congrats to Becks for finally figuring it out though.

J'ADORE RIVER CHIMPS!

J'ADORE THE HAIR OF THE DOG!

Bitches.....we are sooooo hungover.  Why do we drink the way we do?  We know.  Because no one can sing Smack My Bitch Up like we can after five vodka sodas!  J'Adore!  We're having a beer to rid us of our headache, and then we're taking a nap.  

J'ADORE DELILAH!

J'ADORE THE QUOTE OF THE DAY!

"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other." - Jack Handy

J'ADORE CANDY CANE JOE-JOEs!

A few weeks ago, we were lazily J'Adoring ourselves with our neighborhood friends, when one of them pulled out a box of the most delectable little morsels we ever did taste!  Candy Cane Joe-Joe's from Trader Joe's!!!

Bitches!  These little Oreo knock offs are BEYOND!  Smooth, creamy icing with small flecks of candy cane sandwiched in between two crunchy chocolatey cookies!  We literally fell off the couch and were transported to a land of gumdrop trees and peppermint rivers!

But you better go out and get yours QUICK because we've been reading on the internets that these tasty confections are out of stock all over the country!  You better get yours before we get ours!

J'ADORE BUTT PLUG SANTA!

Earlier this week, our most J'Adored friend Bianca Bianconi invited us to the chicest little dinner she was hosting in the basement wine cellar at Il Buco on Bond Street.  When we tell you it was unreal, we really mean it!  From the antipasti plates to the black kale salad to our gorgonzola risotto, everything was utterly J'Adorable.

Being the brilliant publicist that Bianca is, she sat us right next to Cynthia Rowley, one of the world's most talented designers, and directly across from Alan Cumming, the actor we all love to love.   Oh the things that were said at the table that night.  We only wish we could share them!

Anyway, Alan is the godfather to Cynthia's eldest daughter, and so, for Christmas, Cynthia brought Alan the most genius gift EVER!  A 12" chocolate Santa holding a Butt Plug!!!  J'Adore!

Artist Paul McCarthy has transformed the Maccarone Gallery into a chocolate factory and retail space named  Peter Paul Chocolates and his piece de resistance this holiday season is this chocolate santa selling for $100!

You know all you want one!  Do it!  Buy it!  Plug it!  Eat it!  J'Adore it!

J'ADORE THE QUOTE OF THE DAY!

"What happens when the future has come and gone?" 

- Robert Half

J'ADORE GUITAR HERO!

For the past four days, we've been more obsessed with a video game than when we first played super mario brothers back in the 4th grade!  This game is Guitar Hero III for Wii.  Armed with only a guitar, you are required to strum along to songs like Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar, Even Flow by Pearl Jam or Cult of Personality by Living Colour.

Our favorite song though is One by Metallica and just last night we scored 96% of the notes correct and 163 correct notes played in succession rendering us a score of 96, 682!!!  We are so rock stars right now!

If you haven't played this game, go out and find the nearest toy store and get it!  It's amazing!

J'ADORE HERPE HOLIDAYS!

We really don't like the holiday season.  Our friends like to call us Le Grinch.  We feel that all the love and familial solidarity is lost in the mad rush to stuff stockings and to load the Christmas tree with useless gifts that you spend weeks stressing over.  It's capitalism at its finest.

So what does one give that very special someone to let them know how much one cares?  How about a sore throat?  Or the flu?  Ebola is always a favorite amongst the kids!  But in all honesty, nothing REALLY says I Love You like Hepatitis!

We were so excited when we came across Giant Microbes.  They make stuffed animals inspired by various microbes, diseases and ailments that we know the whole family will love.  You can choose from Kissing Disease, Bad Breath, Athlete's Foot, Black Death and many more!

Each animal, which measures 5-7 inches tall, comes with a photo of the real microbe it represents as well as subsequent information.  Not only will these toys bring hours of fun to children and adults alike, but they are a great learning tool for all those little doctors in the making.

Now if only we could get ourselves a fun case of Syphilis!

J'ADORE BARRACUDA!

J'ADORE KILOS TO MOTIVATE!

J'ADORE JACKIE!

J'ADORE GIRLS THAT DANCE LIKE WE USED TO!

J'ADORE THE TREE!

J'ADORE T STYLE!

When we heard that our good friend Horacio Silva was taking over the helm of  T Magazine, we knew it would be good, but we didn't know it was gonna be THIS good!  

If you don't already know (in which case you really shouldn't deserve to know, but we digress...), T is the New York Times' style magazine, and they've been turning it out with fashion, design, travel and epicurean delights for a while now through periodic supplements to the Sunday paper.

This week, the magazine went live on the web, and it's the chicest thing we've seen in a very long time!  Its modern layout is easily navigated, and it's full of information that every style master needs to walk out the door in the morning.

But we're most impressed by the piece entitled The Connoisseur, which was written by our most J'Adored Indian brothel baby, Madhu Puri, and which outlines everything one needs to know to collect art in the contemporary market today!  

Coincidentally, we're off today to buy our very own Damien Hirst dead animal suspended in something or other.  Whatever.  We just listen to our art dealer and write checks on demand.  J'Adore!

J'ADORE SENSUAL SEDUCTION!

J'ADORE GLEMAUD!

If you want to talk J'Adorosity, then there is no one else in NYC to talk about than Victor Glemaud.  We've known this bitch for way too long, but we're not complaining.  

We first met him when he was working his fashion PR magic for Versace, then, he upped and moved to Paris only to come back as one of the hottest menswear designers on the scene.  WTF?  How did he do that?

His clothes are modern, luxurious, clean, linear and uber-masculine, but the pretty fabrics still allow you secretly to feel like Linda Evangelista on the inside.  Our favorite look EVER (pictured) is from Spring/Summer 2007...GASP!....yes, that's TWO seasons ago, but we still can't let it go.   Notice the silk shantung wide legged pants paired with the the two cardigans over the spread collar white button down.  Geniusly J'Adorable!

For more information on Victor and his collections, click here.

JE N'ADORE PAS!

Dede is a fisherman in Indonesia who, as a teenager, accidentally cut his knee and shortly thereafter began growing smalls warts on his body.  Since then, the warts have continued to grow exponentially covering his hands, feet, face and body in bizarre tree like formations!  WTF?

Subsequently, he lost his job, he lost his wife and he is now living in poverty with his two teenage daughters.  His case seems to be human pamplona, which in normal people, causes small treatable warts on the skin, but Dede is missing the gene that would normally control this condition leaving him to turn into a redwood.

American doctors are hoping to treat him with a synthetic version of Vitamin A which they are confident will reduce the growths giving him full control of his hands and feet again.  And we thought WE had problems!

Click here for full story and video.

J'ADORE REUNIONS!

When we first moved to NYC back in the late 1800s, we would go to this little place on Bedford and Downing called Bar D'O.  It was the chicest little place you ever did see.  All the most beautiful bitches hung out there leaving us to reflect upon our own extreme beauty, but we're getting ahead of ourselves.

Our favorite nights were when Joey Arias and Raven O would regale us with stories of days gone by and serenade us with all of our favorite chansons by Billie Holiday and Ella Fitzgerald.

We have good news for you.  Our most favorite place in the world, Indochine, is hosting Bar D'O reunions on December 9 and 16 featuring Joey Arias and Sherry Vine!  There is a $20 cover charge for the show and dinner reservations are required for a table.  See you there!