Tuesday, January 15, 2008


Sometimes we have to wonder what the hell art historians and art scientists do all day long! They're constantly wearing those tacky ass outfits with the white gloves and x-raying paintings and shit telling us that there might be another painting under the one we've been looking at for years.

Yesterday, AOL News reported that German academics believe that the identity of the Mona Lisa has been discovered. Lisa Gheradini, the wife of a wealthy Florentine merchant, Francesco del Giocondo, has long been seen as the most likely subject of this painting, and guess what, Bitches, she IS!  It's her!  The Mona Lisa is Lisa Gheradini!

You know what else?  The painted was painted in approximately in 1503, and in 155o, an Italian official named Giorgio Vasari said that the Mona Lisa was Gheradini, but no one believed him! 

Now, 500 YEARS LATER (!!!!!!) some asshole historians in Heidelberg find a book with notes in the margin that confirm this bit of truth, and it's a massive discovery bringing fame and fortune to Dr. Armin Schlechter, the manuscript expert who found the info.  If we were Vasari, we'd be coming back from the grave to kick some ass!  We hate when people don't believe us when we know we're right!

We're happy for the French though because now they can get back to eating their croissants without having to sit and wonder who the woman in their Louvre is anymore!  But what the hell will they take about now? 

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