J'ADORE SAVING LIVES!

The other night we were having dinner with our most J'Adored, and recently engaged, publicist friend, Michael Tavani. We used to work together, and we have to give him credit for being one of the best PR sharp shooters around.  Shooting fish in a barrel is his specialty.

We got ourselves a cozy little table at La Bottega at The Maritime (dining at hotels is key as you never know when you'll need a room after dinner). We ordered a dirty martini. Michael had a glass of Montepulciano. We spoke of love, life, work, fashion and the state of the hotel industry as we see it today. Quite riveting stuff, if you ask us.

One thing we learned back in the day about our little Michael is that he's DEATHLY allergic to nuts. We remember one day at the office, we said to him, "We didn't know you were allergic to nuts!" and our boss from the other room overheard and interjected, "Yes! He is!  Especially yours!" J'Adore!

We ordered a small pizza to start and the swordfish entree to share. The waitress was informed of his allergies, and she assured us there were no nuts in the meal. The swordfish arrived with arugula and a bell pepper caponata on the side. We split the plate and continued J'Adoring each other.

Half way through our meal, we looked down at Michael's plate and noticed four pignoli nuts peeking out of his caponata! We freaked out! Did he eat the nuts? Was he going to die right there on the spot? We couldn't risk waiting and finding out.

We pushed all the plates and glasses off the table sending them crashing to the floor while everyone turned to look what happened! We grabbed Michael by the collar and pulled him onto his back on the table. Jumping on top of him, our legs straddling his pelvis, we began to administer CPR, pumping on his sternum, breathing life into his lungs and screaming "Don't go to the light, Michael!  DON'T GO TO THE LIGHT!!!!"  The waitress ran over to help, but we turned around and bitch slapped her to the ground in one fell swoop!

Actually, none of that last part really happened.  What actually went down was that we spotted the pignoli nuts, we pointed them out to Michael, he pushed his plate away and we called the waitress over to complain. He then thanked us for saving his life, and we went on to enjoying the free cheesecake they sent over. We personally like the first version better.

At the end of the day, we J'Adore saving lives just like we like to think we did last summer, and we know that Michael J'Adores us for giving him a second chance. 

If you'd like more information on How To Save A Life, click here.

J'ADORE THE (sub)MERCER!

Once upon a time back in 2002, our very good friend, Darryl Gibson, took us to this little place he liked to call (sub)Mercer.  In actuality, everyone called it (sub)Mercer because that's what its name was!  J'Adore!

Anyway, the (sub)Mercer was a tiny little bar located WAY underground, two floors below street level underneath The Mercer Hotel.  You could only find if you knew about it.  The entrance was via an emergency exit door in the back of The Mercer Kitchen and then down an industrial flight of stairs.

You entered the room through a long dark hallway lined with wine bottles behind caged doors, and when you arrived, you were in the chicest place you ever did see.  Exposed brick walls held up by low brick arches.  Low banquets lined the perimeter and a stripper pole was hidden in a tiny nook and it would immediately scream out our name!  

Our good friend, Simone Bent, was the manager, and she turned us out every time.  "Bottle of vodka?  No problem.  It's on me." she would say with a wink.

We spent 6 debaucherous months in that subterranean land of ecstasy.  Unfortunately for us, it was shut down for being way too glamorous for its time.  (Actually, it was a permit issue, but we don't like to talk about that.)

Late last month, we heard through the grapevine that the (sub)Mercer was reopening.  We couldn't believe it.  Our heart skipped a beat.  Could it be true???  Well, we found out this past Saturday night that it WAS true.  And guess what?  The stripper pole was STILL there!  We wish it hadn't been because we fractured a rib and our inner thighs are still bruised.  Don't ask, but we can assure it was pretty amazing!

Maybe one day you'll be able to visit it to.  But will you be able to find it?  And if you do, how will you convince the man at the door that you're worthy enough to enter the room that has hosted the countless J'Adorable VIPs before you.

Don't come asking us for help.  We'll already be down there on the stripper pole.  J'Adore!

J'ADORE TOUCHING MY BODY!

Mariah Carey is soooooooo funny!  Looking past the fact that she annoyingly references YouTube in her song and that she's still wearing tacky ass silver metallic stripper dresses in her videos, we have to give her credit for making such a hysterically J'Adorable video which TOTALLY makes fun of herself.....cuz she knows we all make fun of her on the daily anyway.  

She got the guy from 30 Rock (who we J'Adore in this). He plays guitar hero (which we J'Adore even more). They play laser tag and race cars together, and then the bitch tries to play like she's tech savvy pretending to know what 802.11N means!  J'Adore!

J'ADORE PURPLE BALLS!

Last night, we were cruising around the website of our good friend and the most amazing fashion stylist to come out of Canada in a very LONG time, Conrad Nadeau, and we came across this J'Adorable little editorial!  We love the purple balls!  It reminds us of when go to the doctor's office, and...wait, no, that's blue balls.  Sorry.  Anyway, check out his site by clicking the link above.

J'ADORE UPSIDE THE HEAD!

J'ADORE THE STONER QUOTE OF THE DAY!

"When asked the question, 'What is consciousness?', we become conscious of consciousness.  And most of us take this consciousness of consciousness to be what consciousness is.  This is not true." - Julian Jaynes

J'ADORE FUCKING BEN AFFLECK!

J'ADORE THE QUOTE OF THE DAY!

"I met Courtney Love and she said she'd like to sleep with me but couldn't because of my pop star thing.  So I said I couldn't sleep with her either....because of the ugly thing." - Robbie Williams

J'ADORE THE T-SHIRT OF THE DAY!

J'ADORE THE ANTI-ANNA!

New York Magazine, ran this J'Adorably in depth feature on Carine Roitfeld, Editor In Chief of French Vogue, in this week's Spring Fashion Issue.  It's a phenomenal look into her world and why she doesn't want to be anything like Anna Wintour.

J'ADORE WTF???

J'ADORE SNOWEY JOEY!

This morning we woke up to a snowy winter wonderland!  We J'Adore waking up and looking at all the white stuff covering the ground!  (Usually, we're looking at white stuff covering our friend's faces, but we probably shouldn't have told you that...)

To add to our exuberance, we logged on to our email, and we had an email from our total BFF, Brad Fisher, entitled Snowey Joey! J'Adore!

JE N'ADORE PAS!

OMG, BITCHES!!!  We totally missed our own birthday 5 days ago! We totally forgot!  J'Adore Joey turned 2 years old on the 17th, and we weren't here to remember!  And by "we weren't here", we mean drunk.  

We can't believe it's already been 2 years since we first J'Adored you major!  What a long and winding road it's been.  All the J'Adores.  All the Je N'Adore Passss.  (How do you make that plural?)

We couldn't have made it this far without you right by our side the whole way through, and we J'Adore you for it!  Happy Birthday to us!

J'ADORE DIOR!

Last night, we were at our favorite little French brasserie, Le Singe Vert, with our most J'Adored friend from Vegas, Joanne Takahashi.  She's the mastermind behind the Nobu empire, but don't be calling us to get you a reservation, cuz we're not J'Adoring you like that right now!

While slurping down our Kumomoto oysters, we noticed Joanne's wrist sparkling in the candlelight.  It was the most beautiful silver watch with little diamonds around the face and raised pyramid like metal tiles on the band.  We J'Adored it.  She said it was John Galliano for Dior.  We said J'Adore Dior!  And that was that.

Later that evening, upon our return to our petit chateau, we were reading our favorite bitch, Candy Pratts Price's, white hot list of must have items for the Spring, and about half way through, we noticed that CPP had chosen Joanne's watch as a must have for Spring.  J'Adore having fashion forward friends, but it gets better.  

We were reading the description..."Diamond & Pearl Christal Degrade Watch......$29,995"  Wait!  What?  $29,995!?!?!  We were like DAMN, BITCH!!!  We love Joanne and all, but had we known the watch was worth that much, we would have totally slipped her a roofie and grabbed the watch and ran!

We're seeing her again on Saturday afternoon, so at least we have one more chance!  Don't tell her before we get to her, okay? J'Adore!

J'ADORE PETER SARSTEDT!

While in the country this past weekend with our most J'Adorable friends, Chris & Zoe, we were introduced to the most delicious little folk song from 1969 by Peter Sarstedt entitled Where Do You Go To My Lovely? about a childhood friend named Marie-Claire who moves to Paris and becomes a member of the "jet set".

We totally J'Adore custom topless swimsuits in order to get an even suntan, on our back and on our legs! 

Below is a cover by the 90s one-hit-wonder, Right Said Fred. Doesn't really do it justice, and the end of the video just confuses us.  Je N'Adore Pas!

J'ADORE THE QUOTE OF THE DAY!

"Buddhism has the characteristics of what would be expected in a cosmic religion for the future: it transcends a personal God, avoids dogmas and theology; it covers both the natural and spiritual, and it is based on a religious sense aspiring from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity." - Albert Einstein

(We have to mention that we only used the above photo of Einstein at the beach because of the shoes!  WTF?  Are those Easy Spirits?  And why is he wearing them at the beach?)

J'ADORE J'ADORING OURSELVES PART DEUX!

We have to tell you a funny story. Only because we're probably the most narcissistic bitches you ever did meet. Last century, circa 1998, we were doing a little shopping at Bed, Bath & Beyond, and out of the corner of our eye, we saw the most beautiful creature we ever did catch a glimpse of. We stepped back a few feet to see who it was, and lo and behold, it was our own reflection in a full length mirror! Yes. We chuckled. We were a bit embarrassed, but we were definitely NOT surprised.

This HYSTERICAL video by choreographer extraordinaire, Robert Hoffman, sums us up in a nutshell.  We'll never find love because we're the only ones we really want. So we guess, since we already have ourselves, we should just feel content, right? Right.

Excuse us for a moment.  We need to go J'Adore ourselves, if you know what we mean.

J'ADORE WHEN KEEPIN' IT REAL GOES WRONG!

J'ADORE WTF???

Honestly.  We don't really like to hate.  Actually, we J'Adore to HATE, and Paula Abdul has made it just so much easier to do so today with the release of her new video Dance Like An Overaged, Out of Touch Has Been.  

This woman's job is to make or break people's music careers, so we really don't understand how she agreed to this video.  The stylist alone should be found, bound and shot.  Are they serious with that pill box hat thing and the 7 foot wide collar?  

We're not even going to talk about the choreography.  If Paula keeps dancing like that, there's definitely NOT going to be a tomorrow for her!

J'ADORE FOGGY WINTER ROADS!

We're back out in the country this weekend. This time, it was with another set of friends as we told you earlier. Or did we tell you? We can't remember but whatever!

It was a very foggy day upon our return. It reminded us of the English countryside which we've never visited. We snapped the above photo of the road leading to the farm across the street from the house in which we were staying. 

We were expecting the headless horseman to turn the corner at any second! J'Adore!